Of course you love your parents – that’s given. But at times, maintaining the bond between parent and adult child can be challenging.
These days, both of you are confronting new challenges – retirement or career changes, health issues, concerns about the future. It’s to be expected that these issues will affect your relationship, but as you change, your relationship with your parents change.
Part of that evolution requires forging a new relationship, one between mature adults rather than parent and child. You already have the basic underpinnings – love and shared memories. Add mutual respect and common interests and you may find a more fulfilling relationship with your mother and your father than any you’ve had since childhood.
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Here are healthy ways to forge an adult relationship with your parents and enhance your relationship with them.
- Talk to your parents as friends. If your parents still treat you like you’re 6, it may be funny to give up your role as a child. A good start is to model your conversation with Mom and Dad on those you have with friends. Don’t limit your conversation strictly to family memories, or gossip about family members, or your personal life. There’s a whole wide world out there – why not explore it with Mom and Dad as you would with a friend?
- Keep your sense of humor. When you’re dealing with your parents, laughter can be a lifesaver – both to help you handle the stress of dealing with sometimes crotchety individuals and to help you bond together. Tell a few jokes you know they’ll enjoy. Share some comics from the paper or email with them, watch some shows together or join in a musical event together . If you can laugh together, you’re doing okay. (Join now.)
- Tell your parents what bothers you. If you love your Mom and Dad but they drive you batty, your resentment can eat away at your relationship. So don’t seethe silently, communicate with gentleness and respect.
- Express your appreciation for all your parents have done for you. Your parents still do things for you that deserve your notice – and gratitude.
- Be honest about who you are and what you want. Maybe there are things about your growing up that your parents regret. But as long as you don’t regret it, they have to adjust. Be clear about who you want to be and help your parents accept you.
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Not every book is a good book, of course many children’s books are shoddily written and poorly illustrated — and far too many use words or deal with themes that are inappropriate.
Here are some suggestions on what we parents can do:
1. Talk to the experts. Children’s librarians can provide suggestions for books for children of all ages.
2. Know what your child is reading. Reading out loud to your children is a good way to do this, of course. But even with older children (and even with textbooks!) it is a good idea to keep an eye on what they are reading. Sometimes this is all it takes to head off problems with objectional language, values or subject material.
3. Make your concerns known. If you don’t like something, let the people responsible know. Write to the author of the book, the company that published it, and the bookstore, school or library that stocked it. Ask what standards they use to evaluate a book; explain the ones you use. Try to be as positive as you can — and whatever you don’t threaten them! — but do explain as clearly as you can what it is that you found objectionable.
And while you’re fighting the bad, don’t forget to encourage the good. Any time you find an exceptionally good book (On Sale or not), make sure the word gets out. Recommend it to your librarian and to your friends. Send a letter of thanks to the people responsible. And by all means, buy a copy for your child. In our society, the best way to make sure there are good children’s book is to see to it that the ones that are published turn a profit.
Signs of the Times
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To control common dandruff:
Shampoo regularly. Start with a mild, non-medicated shampoo. Gently massage your scalp to loosen flakes. Rinse thoroughly.
Use medicated shampoo for stubborn cases. Look for those containing zinc pyrithione, salicylic acid, coal tar or selenium sulfide on shampoo brands. for best results, use a dandruff shampoo each time you shampoo.
Use tar-based shampoos carefully. These shampoos are strong dandruff deterrents, but they can leave brownish stain on light-colored or gray hair. they also can make your scalp more sensitive to the sun. Check the label for ingredients.
Treat your hair gently. Dandruff shampoos can be harsh on your hair and scalp. Use a conditioner regularly. for mild cases of dandruff, alternate dandruff shampoo with your regular shampoo.
See a dermatologist. If dandruff persists, or if your scalp becomes irritated or severely itchy, you may need a prescription shampoo.
Source: Mayo Clinic
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